the end of summer

The summer is coming to an end. I can smell the barest hints of fall on the air. This fills me with the delicious urge to stretch and curl up for a nap. I feel like this is the perfect weather for book-reading, drinking wine on the deck in the evening, going without makeup. Heh, I've been doing the latter quite a bit, strangely comfortable in my skin these days...I think it's the stretched-out sunlight; I hear it's almost as flattering as candlelight.

Went to the beach only a few times this summer, one of which was last weekend. My sister, mom and I enjoyed the breezy lake Michigan shore and it felt like the height of something. The height of living, maybe? I had brought a nice, thick "beach read" but didn't end up reading it at all. I journaled on a beach towel for about three and a half hours, it was glorious and I hardly noticed my hand cramping up! There is something intoxicating about summer...it feels lazy and at the same time, invigorating. A leisurely kind of productivity.

A friend had a lovely brunch last Sunday. Everything she cooked was purchased locally or grown in her backyard, which I thought was great and action-oriented. I often have conversations with her about how much we love the city and want to support it, and here she was throwing a fete that did just that.
I sat on the stoop with my friends, watching the trees sway in the gently sparkling breeze, and I knew that I was experiencing a moment to be savored. I have been having this feeling more and more lately, like time is slowing down for a few beats and allowing me to really *see* things. It's bizarre, actually. I've always felt like I was going through life in a kind of haze, and I would have moments once in a while. In these moments, I feel very present. Everything snaps into focus with such clarity that I am a little startled, as though I had been walking around with my glasses perched on top of my head, and unaware of it, they suddenly fell in front of my eyes.
A lot of this might be due to the small spiritual changes I've been experiencing lately. A lot I will blame on the intoxicating, late-summer light. Either way, I am enjoying this sense of awareness, the preciousness I feel in the season and right now. I hope you are, too.

a night in

I taking time to rest tonight. Rest, nothing else. Maybe a little putzing is allowed...but I do not do this often enough. I am a go-go-go person, to the benefit of everyone but myself, usually. With the support of the bf, I am trying to take more deliberate actions in my life to say, "No!" and to take purposeful care of myself. I often wonder if this is selfish. I am often told it is not. Well, whatever.
Tonight, I am appreciative. I'm glad I gave myself permission to take it easy on a Tuesday night.

on the move...

hello, three a.m..

It is time for me to go to bed, but before I do, I'm going to muse a bit about balance. I've been thinking lately how balance is not really a static thing, but more like a stasis that evens out through lots of movement. Like a wave dipping up and down, or a fan oscillating, yet somehow covering the whole room, I feel like I must figure out how to move if I am to be truly balanced.

The weeks ahead of me are busy. I am standing at the starting line of a medium-to-great marathon of happy social events that I have committed to because I genuinely wanted to be involved. It's just that, standing here, quivering in the anticipation of the gun shot, I am a bit overwhelmed. All will work out, the universe will continue to expand whether or not I get through this month in one piece...I just have to roll with it. It's as though life were a crashing wave and I, the hapless surfer who must relax every muscle--though terrified--and allow the water to push me under, tumble me around a bit, and then leave me to resurface. Better take a deep breath now.