new challenges

My mind feels like a sponge right now, full to overflowing. It needs to be wrung out.

I started a new job this week, and along with school, I feel like I've been cheerfully shoved into the freezing cold, choppy ocean. The first day was the worst ever. Rain. Power outage. Dead alarm clock. You get the picture.

Today was just jammed with information. And while I feel the capacity in myself to hit the ground running, I am moving slowly this evening. I want to give my brain some time to dry out, fluff up, and get ready for tomorrow. This is an important skill that I need to work on: taking time.

I don't say "making time", because time can neither be created nor destroyed (as much as I would love to create an extra five hours in my day, I just can't!). I say "taking time" because that is what has to be done. The time has to be wrestled from the stiff grip of my own perfectionism, the voice in my head that cries for progress, productivity, and the artifacts to prove it. To take time from that perfectionist, to say to it, "No, I am going to eat dinner and take a hot shower first." is to take charge of my own sanity. I think that it is the exact opposite of taking control in my life: it is realizing that I can't control everything. I can't control how exhausted my body gets after days and days of stress. I can't control the amount of hours that come in my day. But I can take a breath, close my eyes for a moment, and experience a bit of peace before diving back into the fray. And that is what I'm going to do this evening. That, and eat some ice cream.