winding down, winding up

Well, it has been a busy couple of weeks. I have been making some big, life-altering moves (literal and figurative). The summer is winding down and I'm trying my best to eek out the most evening light and laziness I can.

Do you ever feel like you are being sabotaged?
One of the most difficult things for me to deal with lately, has been my self. That's not really a "thing" per se, but it feels like something totally "other" sometimes. I consider myself a smart person, even logical when the occasion calls for it. I have no idea how it happens, but there is this Mr. Hyde part of me that will rear its ugly, irrational head. I will find myself doing and saying things that I would not normally do or say. The end result: some very important people in my life look at me worriedly, start to doubt my sanity.

Now, it has to be said that things are not moving for me at a consistent or rational pace lately. But are they ever? Does anyone ever get a long, smooth stretch of life where everything has time to settle properly and gain momentum? I haven't, at least not since elementary school, but I had bigger problems then...like gym class.

Just this morning, while sipping coffee and eating a slice of rasberry muffin, I realized: I iam just an awkward kid. I used to think, at one point, that I was poised and ready for the press conference podium at the White House. Not so much anymore. I am just this wierdo who like to read books and write things and take faux-artsy pictures.

The good news:
-the TIgers are winning
-I start a new job soon
-I have wonderful people in my life who love me, even if I am awkward.

So, chagrinned, I am starting to wind up for fall. Grad school and a new job await, as does the quickened pace of life with a jammed-full schedule. Adrenaline is buzzing in my veins. This must be what the major league batters feel as they approach the plate. A ninety mph projectile is about to speed toward them, and the proper response is not to run away from it~no. They take on the challenge. They come out with a bat in their hands, ready to slam it out of the park. To me, this seems both very brave, and very smart.