the funny joke and the squeezing hug

First of all, isn't this tea cups card the cutest?

And since we're asking questions...here's another one for ya:
Do you ever feel like you plan to do something out of one motivation, and then dread it with whole other set of motivations?

I do this to myself all the time. I make contradictory plans, declarations, conceive of and try to live out ideas that don't exist well together, they don't 'play nice'. For instance, I declare, "I want to host a tea party for young women at church," which doesn't necessarily mesh with, "I want to get a massage and chill for the rest of my break."

Or, "I want to write a book," doesn't always seem to go hand-in-hand with, "I want to live in a clean house and grow my own herbs and make photo albums and bake scones from scratch."

I'm not sure why I do this to myself. Maybe, like Liz Lemon, I want to "have it all." Is that even possible? [and, in deference to Natalie Goldberg, who in Writing Down the Bones says, "if you can write a question, you can answer it... immediately go to a deeper level inside yourself and answer it..."(145).] Yes, it's possible, and messy and unpredictable. I can have the orange scones and the midday nap and the written book and the coffee and the tea and the yellow-cratered moon. Maybe not all at once. Maybe not all in the moment that I want it all to be (which is usually all in the same moment for me--I want it all...NOW!). Maybe I need to keep learning patience, and steadily working bit-by-bit on all the things I love. And maybe I need to keep pausing, to drink in the tea parties and the melting snow, the funny joke and the squeezing hug.