bright and sunshiny

At last. It is bright outside and sunshine has returned. I have to say, these past few days of rain and grey have, after the initial coziness, really worn on me. I am delighted by the blue, blue sky.

This week has been at intervals relaxing, busy, fun, emotional, sickly, bleh, and tipsy. Now, I am ready to regroup for my whirlwind weekend ahead:

Projects

• Putting together a shower gift for my little sister. (her shower is on SUNDAY!) This is proving to be a feat of creativity, since we are summer-poor, and I want to give her something useful, yet fun and meaningful. So far, I'm trying to figure out a fun way to "style" a set of wineglasses...any suggestions?
• Planning a few summer "Bits and Bobs" to work on in the home; framing some pics, scouting out a bedskirt (and maybe awesome antique headboard?), purchasing a potato masher, etc.
• Getting ready for our "Staycation"--I'm dogsitting for a friend next week, and the hubs and I are turning it into a mini-break to help us wind down from the semester. 
• Class-planning: yep, already starting to think-through revisions for fall...and the Summer Incentive Program! (yikes, better get to it!)

Thinking

...about community. With Mand's shower coming up, along with the various social functions we're now free to attend-no grading or writing or studio time tying us down-I'm reminded of just how important our community is. We are blessed to have great friends and good bosses and awesome colleagues and loving families. At times, it's challenging to be in relationship with other human beings; they're not perfect, neither am I, so we grate against each other, like hard italian cheese and a microplane. 

At times, my family (whom I adore) just gets right up my nose--ugh! So frustrating! So annoying! So just-like-me-it-hurts! But, at the end of the day, they are also the ones who know me best...and love me best. They are related to me by human blood...and by Divine blood, as I count in this category that crazy, rag-tag bunch of wierdos that I see every week to talk and pray and worship Jesus together. 

My friends, too, are sometimes a big investment (of time, of energy, or even just of patience), but they are also the ones that I can count on. They are the ones who say nice things about my book, and offer to read it if I need feedback. They are the ones who come to my house for brunch, or morning yoga, or catch a bus into town to attend important functions with me. They are the ones that I can be honest with, be encouraged by, and just "be" with. 

Then, there's my bosses, and my colleagues at the university, who sometimes are strange and awkward. Mostly, though, they make me excited to drive into work every day, they stimulate my thinking and collaborate beautifully on really cool, cutting edge projects that push our field forward. 

Community is such a buzzword lately. It's all about community organizing and "being in community". As always, I get to the point where I have to think through the buzzwords and ask myself "what the hell does that even mean?" So, this is what I'm thinking about lately.

Reading
Well, I finished Inkheart (very satisfying) and am working "diligently" on Prose and Sontag. To my delight, though, I've discovered another dear friend is joining the blogging community! Natalie's blog is up and running, and she's all about poetry and thoughts and cool insights that may-or-may-not be distracting her from her Master's project:) Go check it out and get in on the conversation!

rainy day eighties

It was so lovely to wake up slowly this morning, to the murmur of rain outside. Summer vacation is just budding, and nothing compares to the coziness of burrowing deeper into the covers with the backdrop of rain music!

The hubs and I are enjoying this first week of break. We needed it! Today is a nice, relaxing day...the record player is filling our home with the melodious strains of the Eurythmics. An oddly perfect pairing with the rains slipping down the windows and pattering on the roof.

And no sooner have I finished Perelandra, when another fantasy trilogy catches my fancy! I just finished the first book in Cornelia Funke's trilogy. I have to say, it totally sucked me in. My goal for this week is to finish the rest of the books I have going, so I can in good conscience jump fully into the "Ink" trilogy and finish off the C.S. Lewis Space Trilogy. The summer of reading continues! 

Because today is rainy, it calls for sweaters, a fresh pot of coffee, and maybe a trip to the library. What is your favorite plan for a rainy day? 

the day is just gorgeous.

Ah. It's one of those days where you want to go lay in the grass, roll around in it, rubbing spring into all of your pores.

Since it's Friday, and since I'm a little tired from *seriously* cleaning the house (we're talking spring-clean, man), I will just do a little summary today.

Projects

• Well, I just finished all the final grading for my classes. So one project I write down that I can immediately cross off (am I the only one who does that?)
• BUDGETING-with summer break comes the summer belt-tightening. Bring on the penny-pinching!
• Writing group: my friend, Natalie, invited me to a writing group meeting on Monday. I think I'm going to go, although it's been a long time since I've been in a writing group (I'm a little nervous, I think!). I hope they like/get/are ok with the book stuff...

Thinking
About travelling. A lot, lately. In my dreams, I can travel the globe whenever the fancy strikes. Lately I've been thinking about real practical ways to save for a hubs-and-nic trip to Europe...maybe next summer??? (she asks hopefully...) Here are some pics I snagged from a random travel blog I was gazing at...

Reading
Of course, I'm still reading too many books at once. But, I'm also now a proud follower of my dear friend Josh's new blog. Super smart and easy to read thoughts about life and faith. Do check it out and join in the conversation~it's sure to expand our thinking all the way around!

new book new book tra la la

Ok.

So, at the beginning of the year, I made a resolution that I knew I would break, and I've broken it.

The resolution was secret. In my heart, I told myself very sternly:

"Nicole, you will only read one book at a time." 

HA! 

Well, I've started a book. Another one. I'm still, of course, working on The Volcano Lover by Susan Sontag and Reading Like a Writer by Francine Prose. Both books make me feel smarter just by gazing at the words of these ultra-smart ladies. I try on their intelligent thoughts like a young child traces letters, pretending in order to learn. I'm tracing these writers' smartness, hoping to write just as smartly someday.

But every once in awhile, I just need a bit of fun reading. Something that will suck me in and make me forget that I am reading at all. And since the other night I watched a deep and thoughtful movie about heaven and hell and death and couldn't get to sleep right away...I tapped good old C.S. Lewis for some sci-fi fluff.

I'm always fascinated by the various covers that books glean from all their printings. I know we shouldn't judge them because of it, but I can't help trying to illicit clues from front covers, and inside flaps, and back covers, as to what the book is all about. Because books feel sort of alive, like friends, I want to make sure I choose them carefully. Though, with books that have multiple printings, it's harder to tell. For example, maybe I want to be friends with the last cover here, but the first one is kind of weird to me. Ironically, that's the way my copy looks! So, maybe when we get past looks, we find who we really want to be friends with based on what's inside. 

What about you? Do you judge books by their covers? What are some of your favorites? (books or covers or both!)

HOW many days until Easter??

I was totally unprepared for the fact that last Sunday was, in fact, Palm Sunday. Plus, it was cold and rainy...and in my brain Palm Sunday should be dry and sunny as the day of Jesus' triumphal entry, when everyone was wearing sandals. And there were palms trees all around.

Maybe I just need a tropical vacation?

Well, spring is springing its way into southeast Michigan, however reluctantly, and I am happy about it. The hubs just returned from a printmaking conference in Philadelphia, and it was SO great to welcome him home! I was excited to have a few days to myself, cleaning obsessively, watching Jane Austen movies... but when he got home I realized how great it is to simply *be* with him.

Which leads me to the next question from the list:

What is one way that you can improve your family life this year?

It is still weird, a year and almost-a-half after my wedding, to think that I have "my own family" now. When I first read this question, I pondered what "family" even means. At a very basic level: me and the hubs. But, for most of my life, it has meant mom, dad, sister, and self. It has meant grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. Now, it includes in-laws. Nephews. Another person's history is merging with mine into our family story. 

Like anybody else, my family story is complicated, messy, and carries its fair share of scandal. Brushes with wealth that somehow never stuck. Great-great grandma Phoebe wouldn't let my great-grandpa Charles be mentored and adopted by the millionaire art collector Charles Freer, though Freer wanted to leave his fortune to an heir and thought it serendipitous that great-grandpa shared his first and last name...and so my family and I are not art tycoons.

Though the head-slapping moments are many, and though they have continued through time to the present day in many ways, I love my family. I have to. And, I want to. Not always. But I know I can't get out of it. So, I'm thinking that one way I can improve my "family life" this year is to try to practice more compassion towards my family. Starting with my husband...maybe even starting with myself...extending to cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, in-laws. Something has to counter the scandals and goof-ups and rolling-eye-moments, because they keep coming. If I can cultivate compassion toward myself and my relations, our life can only improve...maybe even bloom. 

the fog presides

I feel like I'm in a fog today. 

And I mean that literally AND figuratively. With the drastic warming-up of southeast Michigan, all the snow has magically transformed into a thick, low-hanging draped over the buildings and roads. My brain feels like the enshrouded buildings on campus...I can sort of make out the shapes of my thoughts...but nothing's really clear.

And it's Friday. I'm so glad. I am ready for the weekend (even though I've over-scheduled myself, as usual...) 

And, since it's Friday, and since I'm in a fog, I'm gonna try to at least nail down three main things:

Projects

• I am still working on "the book". It is scary and I feel like I'm just barfing up dumb stuff...but still going. 
• The Bright Ideas conference at MSU is coming up! I have a rough idea what my presentation will look like...
• Grading this weekend! (yay.)

Thinking

I've been thinking a lot lately about next steps. There are big decisions to be made, and yesterday it came really clear to me that my heart is pretty evenly divided when it comes to them. What about you? What do you do when you're faced with a big decision?

Reading

I started The Volcano Lover, by Susan Sontag, over break. It's so smart, and subtle and rich (so far). I'll keep you posted on how it goes!

the funny joke and the squeezing hug

First of all, isn't this tea cups card the cutest?

And since we're asking questions...here's another one for ya:
Do you ever feel like you plan to do something out of one motivation, and then dread it with whole other set of motivations?

I do this to myself all the time. I make contradictory plans, declarations, conceive of and try to live out ideas that don't exist well together, they don't 'play nice'. For instance, I declare, "I want to host a tea party for young women at church," which doesn't necessarily mesh with, "I want to get a massage and chill for the rest of my break."

Or, "I want to write a book," doesn't always seem to go hand-in-hand with, "I want to live in a clean house and grow my own herbs and make photo albums and bake scones from scratch."

I'm not sure why I do this to myself. Maybe, like Liz Lemon, I want to "have it all." Is that even possible? [and, in deference to Natalie Goldberg, who in Writing Down the Bones says, "if you can write a question, you can answer it... immediately go to a deeper level inside yourself and answer it..."(145).] Yes, it's possible, and messy and unpredictable. I can have the orange scones and the midday nap and the written book and the coffee and the tea and the yellow-cratered moon. Maybe not all at once. Maybe not all in the moment that I want it all to be (which is usually all in the same moment for me--I want it all...NOW!). Maybe I need to keep learning patience, and steadily working bit-by-bit on all the things I love. And maybe I need to keep pausing, to drink in the tea parties and the melting snow, the funny joke and the squeezing hug.